Finally! (squeal)

[Pale Nimbus]

HAHAHAHA

The Ultimate Dynamic Stretching Machine (http://youtube.com/watch?v=jxcbSNEKBz4)

[peterh]

i dont know what you're laughing about. it has Chuck; that means its perfect in all ways.

[kristo]

My life is now complete.

"I'll be honest with you, I don't think I could kick wihtout this machine."

[TKD_Lee]

Wow. If Chuck Norris can't kick without this thing, why am I still training in tkd?

[peterh]

when he Talks about using it before his coffee or orange juice, he's actually talking about the blood of a thousand virgins.

[Benji]

That thing seems like it makes sense. It's just really expensive and you can easily get results without it. I can do the same thing with 2 pieces of printer paper on a hard wood floor.

[Martialartsguyfl]

chuck norris has a million of these stupid crap endorsements i lost all my respect for him. this machine is crap thats what slow kicks and left lifts are for thats dynamic stretching.... DUH!

[TKD_Lee]

I can do the same thing with 2 pieces of printer paper on a hard wood floor.

Imagining that made me lol

[peterh]

chuck norris has a million of these stupid crap endorsements i lost all my respect for him.

you HAD respect for chuck norris? first time i saw him it was on Walker Texas ranger. so bad it good.

[Gorka]

:juji:Only thing I've seen from chucknorris is.. www.ultimateshowdown.org

[short gorilla]

Are you fucking kidding me? You can do the exact same thing with a chair. People will buy any stupid shit, won't they.

[Ashtar]

This looks like something I saw on an infomercial once, but the range of motion is a lot better. It looks interesting, but I probably wouldn't pay much money for it. It reminds me of a Gazelle, but for side-side rather than front/back dynamic stretching.

You can't exactly do it with chairs. It would be slower moving them apart for each stretch, or more dangerous if you were just letting your weight move the chairs apart (plus it could scratch the floor), and you couldn't do the concentric part, bringing your legs together, which is good.

This looks like it would be fun doing with a weighted vest. The arm rests are also a very good idea that you don't get with the chairs, like they could handle a lot of weight. Like, weighted vest kind of weight.

Rather than the dynamic-active kind of stretches on the tutorials here, this is like a dynamic-passive, which you usually don't see, so maybe it'd be unique in a way.

Not only that, but it has 'bungees' (like stretch bands I guess) which make it hard, and turn it into more of an active stretch to pull the feet apart. So you'd do that to focus on strengthening the abductors, as opposed to adding a weighted vest to increase adductor work when bringing the legs in. Although I'm betting the bungee cords don't go high enough to actually keep your legs together, but whatever.

If bungees increase in resistance the more they're stretched, then it sounds like the further you go into splits you more you'd have to push, which sounds neat, as it would graduate from an eccentric relaxation of the adductors until you reached the point where the cords equal the outwards force your weight exerts on the machine, and to go past that you have to actively engage.

The only thing is, it doesn't seem to have enough RoM to handle people with long legs (tall people?) and for the short people who can go into splits on it, it'd be really awkward hanging onto those support bars since they'd be so far overhead. I guess you still could, it'd be like doing a pullup or wide grip pullup (since they go down as they go wider, might be easier to reach).

At 7:30 it shows that by locking one of the things, it's basically the same as doing an ab wheel exercise...

[short gorilla]

What I had in mind with a chair was holding onto the chair while wearing socks on a smooth surface, or put some cardboard under your feet on a carpet so they can slide. I mean, it's a motion thats so easy to duplicate.

My beef is that people are always coming up with these stupid machines to help with stretching when really all they are doing is duplicating stretches you can do by yourself. People are just looking for quick fixes, just like with diet pills and crappy fitness equipment.

As for the bungees... that's what rip-cords are for.

[El Fostro]

My life is now complete.

"I'll be honest with you, I don't think I could kick wihtout this machine."

so it's the new rhetorical question! Which came first? Chuck's roundhouse or teh machine?

[short gorilla]

You know what's funny? Chuck Norris throws shitty roundhouses.

[Pale Nimbus]

You know what's funny? Chuck Norris throws shitty roundhouses.

I'm saying this with absolutely no sarcasm: it truly is funny that Chuck Norris has become a legendary roundhouse machine, despite the fact that his roundhouse is indeed quite terrible.

EDIT: legendary roundhouse machine on teh Internets

[short gorilla]

Thank you.

[Ashtar]

Oh, I get what you mean with the chair, but even then, you have to sort of lean forward more, and chairs aren't always that stable. That bar is probably much easier to grip, aspecially as you change position. I'd get splinters doing that on my floor, need to sand it.

[Pale Nimbus]

Oh, I get what you mean with the chair, but even then, you have to sort of lean forward more, and chairs aren't always that stable. That bar is probably much easier to grip, aspecially as you change position. I'd get splinters doing that on my floor, need to sand it.

Use a stable chair, don't lean forward, sand your floor, and you'll be set :good:

I agree that the bar probably is easier to grip, though.

[short gorilla]

I have folding chairs that have thick backs and openings next to the cusion that are perfect for gripping. I use them for dips, dynamic stretching, splits, balancing while working my hip strength, all kinds of stuff. If I recall they were $18 a pop. All that and they are comfortable to sit on as well!

I feel I've made my point. Chuck Norris is a whore that kicks like an austistic lemur and advertises for shitty equipment. /end discussion

[Ashtar]

Chuck Norris is getting old, reduced flexibility happens with time. The machines he markets aren't really that bad, might not be the best but they're sensible enough.

[short gorilla]

No. Reduced flexibility occurs with reduced training regularity and intesnsity. He's pussing out. I will admit that the total gym is a decent machine, I even own one. But beyond that the stuff I keep seeing is crap.

Chuck Norris is a whore that kicks like an austistic lemur and advertises for shitty equipment. /end discussion

[Pale Nimbus]

Chuck Norris is getting old, reduced flexibility happens with time.

Please refer to Tom Kurz.

[short gorilla]

EXACTLY.

[Ashtar]

Some people have more natural flexibility than others, or better stretching methods, or they train more regularly. Norris is probably too busy kicking ass and shooting commercials to stretch as much as Kurz does. He also looks heavier so having to bear more weight probably has his muscles tighter.

Since Kurz does advocate strength-training, I can't see him disapproving of this machine, though he'd probably prefer you to learn horse stance instead. Perhaps the internal/external rotation as you step your heels and balls out helps? *shrug*

[zetafox]

My life is now complete.

"I'll be honest with you, I don't think I could kick wihtout this machine."

Yep.

[Swartz]

Haha my last MA school had that exact same machine. It made me laugh considering you can just do it on the floor with something to slid on under you feet, like Benji made an example of. Or a number of other things.

However, that vid kicks ass because Chuck Norris is FRIGGEN awesome.

Haha I can't believe you sig quoted YOURSELF short.

[short gorilla]

I didn't. I'm quoting that crazy bukkake milk commercial.

But even if I did, who better to quote than me? No one anywhere has ever said anything better than me, ever.

[short gorilla]

Oh, and for the record, Norris does not kick ass, and he only shoots a commercial like twice a year, so his lazy ass has all the free time to stretch that he wants.

And Kurz says that very little maintenance stretching is required if you have a good foundation and good stretching habits, which is true. And the idea of some people being more or less flexible than others is silly because you're still going to stretch until you have the splits, so once you get there there's no more advantages to be had, you just maintain the splits.

Seriously, /end conversation.

[Swartz]

Shut up. Chuck Norris owns Bruce Lee among other things and I'm gonna buy that fricken machine!

[short gorilla]

I didn't mention Bruce Lee because he is gay as we have already well established. And Chuck Norris sucks. Chuck Norris is like a big hairy vagina; he's not fun to look at, but if you had to you could fuck it up.

[Swartz]

Well I was arguing a point about Bruce because you never mentioned it, I was just stating that because I felt like it.

Also don't fuck with chuck you muck.

[Birch]

did you guys notice the part when he said static stretchs are harder for him because hes old.
obviously this machine is for older people

[Ashtar]

Even if you get splits, your flexibility is going to vary a lot day to day. Chuck says he likes the machine because it helps him warm up his adductor muscles, getting blood into the legs, so he can stretch better. It makes sense.

As for just doing it with a slippery floor, sure, but at the same time why have any machines for anything? Point is it would be a lot less annoying than doing that and more stable.

[short gorilla]

I don't care what Norris says in a commercial, because it's a commercial.

Okay, fine. If you want to use a machine, by all means blow an exuberent amount of money on something that you could otherwise do for cheap-as-free.

[Swartz]

It's not blowing money! Chuck Norris has used one!

[short gorilla]

GET OUT OF MY HEAD SWARTZ!!!

[DarkXacreD]

that doesn't look very safe to me...

[Pale Nimbus]

Chuck Norris is now senile, lol

He said that THIS MACHINE is going to revolutionize "the industry". He rambles off a list of sports that depend very little on possessing a huge range of motion in the legs and talks about how THIS MACHINE will prevent practitioners of said sports from pulling their groin haha

at around 2:27-2:30 it sounds like they edited the video so that Chuck says "this machine has actually...alleviated my pain"!

Chuck Norris loses.

[Ashtar]

Didn't say it was worth the money, just that it's probably an okay method. Like, if someone offered it to you free, you'd take it and find space for it.

One thing that would also be cool would be to put your hands on those things and then you could do like... flies but in a pushup sort of way. Or if the resistance bands were on... reverse flies (sorta).

[short gorilla]

I would never take that machine for free. You would actually have to pay me more than it's worth to take it into my home and actually have it take up phsyical space, becuase I would never use it.

Your pushup idea is cool, but you could do that with two skate boards.

[Pale Nimbus]

Your pushup idea is cool, but you could do that with two skate boards.

Two skateboards from Walmart = $30

Chuck Norris still loses.

[Ashtar]

Difference being, skateboards can flip, you can't adjust tension with bands connecting them, and there's nothing to stop them from going out too far. To simulate a track not moving you could have 1 hand on the ground, the other on the skateboard. It's actually a really cool idea, now I'm gonna have to go buy a longboard.

[tuareg]

I'd say, pretty good way of training and stretching for the split, but its not good to flex everything you need. Using only that damn thing to flex yourself whont be enough.

[Frostbite]

this machine is a useless piece of shit

--end thread--

[Swartz]

No! Chuck Norris uses it damn it! It's priceless!

[Frostbite]

yeah you're right, i'm sorry. Chuck uses it! what was i thinking:agony: ...i'm gonna order it right now

[Ashtar]

Chuck never said to use only this for flexibility... he said it was to warm up. We know he does dynamic stretches with kicking and stuff too.

[anerky]

Chuck never said to use only this for flexibility... he said it was to warm up.

which just goes to show how much more useless it is