I think I have a serious problem.

[Less than Dan]

I think I have a serious condition, and I've had it for as long as I can remember. Throughout the day, I get these sharp pains in my stomach, and I get these audible groaning noises from my abdomen, right? So, I've tried a lot of things, but it seems like the only way to get rid of it is if I eat something, which makes the pain go away, but only for a few hours. After a few hours (maybe...four or five?) the pain comes right back. So, for as long as I can remember, I've been trying to figure out if I have a serious chronic condition or something. I'm sure you guys would know what to do!

Someone help!

[-Pat-]

Before I can help you, I need to know one thing: Have you ever had sexual relations with a man?

[Less than Dan]

Before I can help you, I need to know one thing: Have you ever had sexual relations with a man?

Well, one time, my childhood friend and I were shooting cocaine up our urethras, and I started hallucinating and he turned into what I thought was Uma Thurman, and I guess he just kind of let it happen as I took advantage of it..?

So, yes?

Wait, does this mean I'm going to die?

[-Pat-]

Could Dan and I have a word in private, nurse?

[Less than Dan]

Thank you for sending that nurse off. She was giving me these looks when I said that Uma Thurman part, and she just came off as a total bitch to begin with anyways.

Doctor Pat, help. What can I do? Am I going to live? How long? I know my entire family has this problem too, if that helps. Could it be genetic?

[-Pat-]

Well Dan. I'm not sure how to say this b- OH SHIT RUN IT'S SYVORAN

[compleks]

I hope you're both having fun.

[Less than Dan]

OH FUCK. GET ME OUT OF HERE. GET ME AWAY FROM HIM, TRANSFER ME TO ANOTHER BUILDING. AM I NOT EVEN SAFE AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE?! FOR ALL I KNOW, I MIGHT BE DYING!

(Compleks! You can be the big bad hosptial administator with lazer eyes and profound wit, and Pat can be the charming, charismatic, and handsome doctor who always knows what to say to please a lady.)

[compleks]

Sounds good.

Can I be Gregory House, Md.?

[Less than Dan]

Sounds good.

Can I be Gregory House, Md.?

Okay, you can be Hosptial Administrator Doctor House with Lazer eyes.

Pat will be Dr. OmegaPatX, a half cyborg man who has a heart of gold, and combined with his masculine charm, his guff apperance, his charismatic charm, and always knowing the perfect thing to say to the ladies, is quite popular around the hospital!

[Taimatsu]

I wanna be the senile old man in the hospital gown, walking all over the building, always touching his whispy lack of hair, and muttering gibberish about the pigeons.

Then a nurse will usually find me and say, "Oh Gregory, how did you get way over here? C'mon now, it's time for your medication"

[pete_man_man]

I wanna be the senile old man in the hospital gown, walking all over the building, always touching his whispy lack of hair, and muttering gibberish about the pigeons.

Then a nurse will usually find me and say, "Oh Gregory, how did you get way over here? C'mon now, it's time for your medication"

can i be the pregnant chav 15 year old with a vocabulary of only 3 words so i don't have to make myself sound intelligent by typing out complicated sentences that use words that no one speaks in real life?? And can i pick the 3 words???

i pick: "rectum", "my" and "in"

[Rahf]

I'll just be the killer robot that is virtually unstoppable. His targets are the ginger boy with gut problems and the witty, charmy doctor Pat. My favourite weapon of choice is popsicle sticks and headphones.

[Less than Dan]

I wanna be the senile old man in the hospital gown, walking all over the building, always touching his whispy lack of hair, and muttering gibberish about the pigeons.

Then a nurse will usually find me and say, "Oh Gregory, how did you get way over here? C'mon now, it's time for your medication"

Perfect. You can be Gregory, who never seemingly leaves the hospital, and often gets up at four int he morning to wander aimlessly, speaking of pidgeons and the dust bowl. You will constantly smell of burnt leather and fecal matter.

can i be the pregnant chav 15 year old with a vocabulary of only 3 words so i don't have to make myself sound intelligent by typing out complicated sentences that use words that no one speaks in real life?? And can i pick the 3 words???

i pick: "rectum", "my" and "in"
Of course! A story is incomplete without the "the pregnant chav 15 year old with a vocabulary of only 3 words"! Your word choices are perfect, and they will fit wonderfully into the story! Be sure to blurt out your words sparatically and at the most inappropriate times, like a pokemon would!

I'll just be the killer robot that is virtually unstoppable. His targets are the ginger boy with gut problems and the witty, charmy doctor Pat. My favourite weapon of choice is popsicle sticks and headphones.

You will be the mercanary killer jew machine returning from the year 3898 AD Christmas disaster, where the Jews gas bombed Santa's fortress and killed thosands of elves, and the remaining elves took the mightiest elf stand in history, and fought the immense super human phantom astronaut tooth fairy scientist robot jew army. The elves did not make it, and Christmas has now been renamed "G-day" by the elf community, which prompted much laughter from the Austrialian community. You are going back in time to kill me, because I had sex with Sarah Connor. You are going back to kill Pat, because he is such a suave guy.

[Dragonic MiKe]

I want to be the cop who stands guard outside the recovery rooms of wounded killers/robbers/rapists and the like. I am currently enjoying a sexual relationship with 'the nurse that usually finds Gregory' but I may also be the father of the pregnant chav's baby!

[OhDuKwon]

can i be the one guy that always wears his gown backwards and untied, and is held on the fourth floor, which is that psych ward, where i always wake up in the middle of the night singing lullabyes at the top of my lungs and yelling at peoples's shoes?

[rockmonkey]

i believe you suffer from severe hunger, the groans are your body's way of telling you you are a skinny bitch and you need to eat. either that or you left a vibrator in your ass/vagina/urethra and you need to remove it

[jiayo-chris]

Can i be a decrepid old women that constanty wets herself?

[Tamonten]

I want to be one fo those shemale nurses who steps in for doctors when they're away. I'm the type who dresses up in a tight, tiny uniform with heavy eye shadow and lip stick and also takes every opportunity to bed over and present my seductive french panties to the 15yo boy innocently asking for sexual help.

[Cicero]

I want to be new student that just finished Med school and is now at an internship in the hospital. I'm prone to hazing by superiors, but I bring a new wind in the ranks of the oldschool doctors. With my hip lingo, and catchy phrases such as "Totally tubular", "You know it, bub", "That's swell" or "Fresh", I can bring even the hardest nut to crack into a state of submission to my superior street smarts.

[MasterSyrup]

Haha Less then Dan and Pat you guys fucking rock

[Steve]

Faggots... Monsters

[OhDuKwon]

also, I may be the father of the pregnant Chav's baby as well.

[kinetic]

Omg your body sucks. See what you can get out of this.
http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=2749

[Cicero]

Omg your body sucks. See what you can get out of this.
http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=2749

Dude it's a joke

[Kitosho]

I'd like to be the grizzled old janitor with a heart of gold.

[BoredArnold]

maybe you should just get an appointment at a nearby clinic or whatever.