having trouble consuming 5000+ calories a day

[generalbbb]

id say i get about 4000 or so calories at the moment. how can i increase without killing myself/indulging in shit food?

[mr popular]

Red meat, milk, pasta, and olive oil.

[receive]

is that 4000 estimate a good one, or complete bullshit?

Anyway yea, 5000 aint no thang.

[Rahf]

What are your regular meal times at the moment?

[Gusch]

"id say i get about 4000 or so calories"

I'd say you aren't eating 4000 calories.

[compleks]

Yeah, chances are you probably overestimated your calories consumption.

Take a food log for an average week, then check it.

Either way, eat what Mr P said, plus peanut butter.


Really, an extra thousand calories is easy. Make up a shake in the mornings, then be sure it's finished by the time you go to sleep.

[chicanerous]

Heavy cream
Whole milk

[Counterfeit Soda]

You need lard.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b252/counterfeitsoda/lard.jpg

[Bissen]

Shiiit! 5000?! I eat... 2000 on a big day O_o

[Skilzat85X]

Well you're a chick so your metabolic requirements are different.

Plus, it's apparent the topic starter is trying to gain weight, as opposed to just carry on with the same weight etc.

[generalbbb]

ok i eat about 5 meals per day, i go to university so its all you can eat all the time. the food usually sucks but heres a typical day for me:

Breakfast around 8 or 9AM:
Bowl of cereal with whole milk, fruit cup, corn muffin, bagel with cream cheese, orange juice, lots of water (ii cant grab more than this since i take it to go)

Lunch around 2 or whenever i get out of class:
Two bowls of cereal with whole milk, two slices of thick-crust pizza, a plate of chicken fingers, fries, and whatever else i can fill it up with. two cups of cranberry juice, sometimes cake if its good.

Dinner at around 5:
two bowls of cereal with whole milk, two slices of thick-crust pizza, main entree which is usually the equivalent of chicken, rice, steak, or pasta (fills a plate). then a plate of chicken quesadilla or stir fry (chicken teryaki with a plate of white rice). then usually i get 4 pieces of cake if its good (the moist yellow cake with chocolate frosting omfg yum) and sometimes ice cream. 2 cups of apple or cranberry juice.

Dinner # 2 at around 7 or 8:
usually less than dinner #1 with 2 or three bowls of cereal and one plate of the main entree with rice and bread. Usually salad with Caesar dressing, 2 cups of juice.

Dinner # 3 at around 10 or 11:
It varies by night since its not an all you can eat after 8pm (its take-out). Usually the equivalent of a tray of chicken parmesian with spaghetti, a small tray of salad, 2 bags of chips or a twinkie or donuts (whatever they have) and like a 20 ounce pink lemonade (they dont have juice and i dislike soda)

thats more or less what i consume every day. maybe its not 4000 calories, maybe its 3000? i dunno, im trying though

and yes Skilet, im trying to gain weight :)

[chicanerous]

Bowl of cereal
Worthless.

whole milk
Good.

fruit cup
Worthless.

corn muffin
Good.

bagel with cream cheese
Decent.

orange juice
Worthless.

lots of water
Worthless.


Two bowls of cereal
Extra worthless.

whole milk
Good.

two slices of thick-crust pizza
What?

a plate of chicken fingers
Good.

fries
Huh?

whatever else i can fill it up with.
Okay.

two cups of cranberry juice
Worthless.

sometimes cake if its good.
Worthless.

two bowls of cereal
What the fuck already?

whole milk
Good.

two slices of thick-crust pizza
Fuck.

main entree which is usually the equivalent of chicken, rice, steak, or pasta (fills a plate).
Excellent.

then a plate of chicken quesadilla or stir fry (chicken teryaki with a plate of white rice).
Good.

then usually i get 4 pieces of cake if its good (the moist yellow cake with chocolate frosting omfg yum)
:dead:

and sometimes ice cream.
Steak ice cream?

2 cups of apple
Worthless.

cranberry juice.
Worthless.

three bowls of cereal
I'm in agony here.

one plate of the main entree with rice and bread.
Good.

Usually salad with Caesar dressing
Worthless.

2 cups of juice
Worthless.


chicken parmesian with spaghetti
Good.

small tray of salad
Worthless.

2 bags of chips
Fuck.

or a twinkie or donuts (whatever they have)
Ass.

20 ounce pink lemonade
Cunt.

Eat some fucking real food. Instead of the plates of twinkies, donuts, fries, pizza, high fructose corn syrup juices, and god damn bowls of worthless fucking cereal, eat some calorically dense food with some actual bloody or starchy substance to it.

Your body must be in a nonstop fucking insulin rage from the moment you wake up to the second you pass out.

[generalbbb]

LOL chic i know my eating is super shitty, but would you agree i probably get at least 3000 calories a day? there isnt much variety in this place, i eat whatever is available =[

oh and i have no money to spend on real food...

oh and each bowl of cereal has a cup of whole milk in it...

[chicanerous]

LOL chic i know my eating is super shitty, but would you agree i probably get at least 3000 calories a day? there isnt much variety in this place, i eat whatever is available =[
You go to university, correct? You see those entrees I marked as good? To start: double, triple, quadruple your consumption of them and get rid of everything I marked as worthless. Then, fill in with other real food items. The idea is to look for things that are calorically dense while retaining actual nutritional value. Here's a short list of things that do not qualify: vegetables, salads, fruits, soups, cereals, and the many-mentioned cakes, twinkies, pizzas, and fries. (Keep in mind that, though they do next to nothing for building muscle mass, a certain amount of vegetables and fruits are indeed good for your health, so they should, of course, not be completely eliminated from your diet.)

You're getting probably 2000 calories of real food and the rest is fucking sugar and high fructose corn syrup. You're going to burn right through that. Muscle isn't built out of gum drops and rainbows.

oh and i have no money to spend on real food...
Yet you have all this money for pizza, cake, twinkies, and birthday parties.

oh and each bowl of cereal has a cup of whole milk in it...
Get rid of the cereal and suck down the milk.

[generalbbb]

lol no no i have meal plan so all of that stuff is included in the all-you can eat buffet deal. i dont spend any money at all. birthday parties wtf?! XD oh man im dying here.

thanks chic, thats some good advice. <3

[THE 0NE]

FUCK YOU CHIC

[generalbbb]

hahaha dont mess with chic, he's hilarious :D

[Rahf]

lol no no i have meal plan so all of that stuff is included in the all-you can eat buffet deal. i dont spend any money at all. birthday parties wtf?! XD oh man im dying here.

thanks chic, thats some good advice. <3

And there's nothing else besides these things included in the meal plan? Where's the pasta, potatoes, rice and all sorts of different beef, chicken and above all, fish?

[compleks]

Haha, this thread is classic thanks to Chicanerous.

I really enjoyed this thread.

Edit* I'm not sure if you talked it up a lot, but that is a shit load of calories, or so I would assume.

[generalbbb]

nah thats really how much i eat. its actually pretty annoying to force all this down in one day, but i have gained 25 pounds since the beginning of the semester in September(doubt its all muscle, although i dont see any obvious fat on me yet)

[Vincent_Lee]

Fuckin' Hilarious, dude i lol'd so hard while reading it! ^_^

[Shaedar]

three bowls of cerealI'm in agony here.

You sir, are insane.
I laughed so hard, I caughed up some shit that was bothering me all day long, expeled goo from nose, spilled hot tea on my mouse and cried of pain all this was causing :agony: (I'm a bit ill).

Thank you chic <3


Ok, back on topic.

Why do you think it's necessary for you to eat 5000+ calories a day ?
You'd have to work out twice per day, every day, VERY hard + some cardio, to burn a fair 4000.
Since you're at university all day, I suppose you don't.
Eating like this will make you a fat fuck and you're stomach will seriously expand. This means you'll have trouble not eating 5000+ calories every day, when you'll want to cut down.

I've attached calorie calculator I found on some site, some time ago. I'd give the credits but I can't find the site anymore.
I hope you guys will find it useful.

[compleks]

Why do you think it's necessary for you to eat 5000+ calories a day ?
You'd have to work out twice per day, every day, VERY hard + some cardio, to burn a fair 4000.
Since you're at university all day, I suppose you don't.
Eating like this will make you a fat fuck and you're stomach will seriously expand. This means you'll have trouble not eating 5000+ calories every day, when you'll want to cut down.

I've attached calorie calculator I found on some site, some time ago. I'd give the credits but I can't find the site anymore.
I hope you guys will find it useful.

Well, I assumed the problem was that he has been eating like this regularly for some period... and is failing to gain weight.

(By the way, how long have you been eating like this, and what has your weight done?)
You may have answered this already, but I can't remember.

[generalbbb]

ive only been eating like that for 3 months in conjunction with a 5 day workout plan (3 days per week weight training, two days per week tricking) and so far ive gained roughly 20 pounds since the beginning of September until now.

[compleks]

Well, that's roughly 1.5lbs a week (am I right?) which is in fact a very quick weight gain. (some might even say it's too quick)
I don't see what the problem is. Has your weight gain come to a halt? How long has it been stagnant?

[Counterfeit Soda]

Why do you think it's necessary for you to eat 5000+ calories a day ?
You'd have to work out twice per day, every day, VERY hard + some cardio, to burn a fair 4000.
Since you're at university all day, I suppose you don't.
Eating like this will make you a fat fuck and you're stomach will seriously expand. This means you'll have trouble not eating 5000+ calories every day, when you'll want to cut down.

I've attached calorie calculator I found on some site, some time ago. I'd give the credits but I can't find the site anymore.
I hope you guys will find it useful.

That depends entirely on the person. I've kept food logs off and on, and I wasn't gaining weight with just over 7k calories a day a few years ago. Granted, I was doing quite a bit of activity as well, but still. Now, at 22 my metabolism seems to have slowed some, and my activity level is less than it was, I'm eating about 4,500 calories a day and am very slowly increasing my weight with it.